Earlier this week Henrike Hirsch posted a message on FaceBook that got me thinking. The post stated the following:
"I really don't get this whole "hierarchy of illnesses" thing. Some people live with cancer, some live with diabetes, some live with physical limitations due to any kind of illness/condition, some live with depression... it's all challenging for the mind and the body to deal with".
I reacted from my experience as someone with " less important diseases and handicaps" and even at that point I got the idea people didn't get it.
Am I happy I don't have cancer? YES!!!!! But does that mean my life is easier and my physical limitations aren't life changing, challenging and painful? And yes, it does sometimes feel like I shouldn't complain because I don't have cancer.
When I was rushed to the ICU on July 3rd 2013 due to multiple embolisms in both lungs that came within 5 minutes of killing me it surprised me afterwards that the most reactions didn't come from the people I expected them from, those who have experienced life threatening diseases. Of course there was the hard core of people surrounding me that reacted and stood by me on FaceBook and Twitter but not as many as you would expect. The second time I ended up in the hospital with multiple embolisms in both lungs (which hardly ever happens) the response was even less.
In between I got diagnosed with a damaged heart due to the first pulmonary embolisms, resulting in chronic fatigue and again I expected reactions from the group op people who experienced that as result of their cancer treatment but again it where the same few people that reached out.
I got another scare when the doctor discovered three liver tumors and it looked like cancer for a few weeks. And yes, this time the response was way bigger (because it looked like cancer?). Happy with that of course and over the moon when we discovered they where benign, THANK GOD !!!
Talking about the Face Book post previously mentioned with a friend it asthonished him that obviously that hierarchy does exist, even among people you might expect to see beyond that. He doesn't get why do I still have to apologize for not being able to drive very far because my leg gives out after 20 minutes of driving and I need to make a rest stop for 20 minutes? Why do people think Im grumpy when in fact I,m in a lot of pain (that leg hurt always but more one day than the other) or the fatigue is getting to me more that " usual"? Is not complaining about your handicaps the right way to go? I don't want to because I think I don't have much to complain about and complaining doesn't make the pain go away or make me less exhausted. I know that most of the time people don't even realize the challenges I face each day to just function normally. And I know I most of the time I'm cheerful and caring towards others as if I don't have a careen the world. Does that work against me?
Again, this post is NOT about me being pathetic and feeling sorry for myself because I don't. I know I am more than my handicaps and illnesses and do make a small difference through my volunteer work for LIVESTRONG for which I will be for ever grateful to them (for allowing me to do that). I am currently working very hard again to ride my bike for those who can't at the Austin LIVESTRONG Challenge as a proud member of Cyclist Combatting Cancer and Team LIVESTRONG but is it really so wrong to hope that people will see that even though I'm not a survivor riding even the shortest distance with my limitations is a tremendous Challenge? I am grateful for those people that are always there to support me (Kath Kilcullen-Bergeron who like me refuses to let her handicap get her down, Shu Milne, Steve Bartolucci, Mike Terry, Anna Cherry, Anne Chen, Scott Joy and Jody Schoger to name a few. Sorry if I forget some people).
Just wonder if the hierarchy of illnesses that Henrike describe so well does affect the way people react to other people.
Maybe I'm guilty of believing in that hierarchy as well because I am deeply grateful I don't have cancer. How about you?
Just remember I will never quit, let my handicaps or illnesses slow me down or feel sorry for myself because I take proud in what I CAN do. Off to the Austin LIVESTRONG Challenge, hoping I make both my teammates at Team LIVESTRONG as my teammates of Cyclist Combatting Cancer proud!!
